Dichotomy of Survival

Thu 30 December 2021 Tags life survival helplessness

Allah has promised that we will all be tested, each in our own way. When that test is due, we have no way of knowing. They said, I would die. Then they said, I would not wakeup from my coma. Sure, Allah helped me defy these statements. What is his plan, who knows? However, of course, I am not 100%. In such a scenario where a person is left incomplete or with dependencies, one cannot help but have contested feelings.

On one hand one has a beautiful family (as do I) that one doesn't even know how long have they been away from. So they are relieved that they are somewhat reunited or at least that there is hope for it, however, what of the time lost? One cannot help but feel guilty or sad whenever they speak to their family in such a circumstance. A normal person loves their family to bits sure there are different situations and one cannot generalise that rule BUT if everything is fine (and in some cases even if it isn't) it is just natural. One loves their spouse, their children, their parents, their siblings etc.

This feeling can be overwhelming. On one hand, a person is grateful that they have a chance to see and love their family once again but on the flip side every time they speak to them, there exists a feeling of guilt and heart break that one has missed a segment of life owed to their family. That one was responsible for this trauma to others around them.

I love my family with all my heart and always have. In that sense I've been fairly straight forward, no complicated feelings, no weird relations, no affairs etc. Now in this state I want to be with my family all the time, love them, cherish them. Each and every one. I have been lucky enough to be blessed with good folk for a family, immediate and extended alike. How do I talk to them normally? Specially my 2 beautiful kids, who are not even old enough to comprehend what happened. Only that, Baba was/is sick, he will be home soon. But the time lost is the time lost and the age missed is the age missed. One has to wade through such swamps completely at the mercy of Allah and pray for the best outcome.


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